The Labor of Feeling Heard

Often when we feel that we give too much; or are invested more than what we perceive another party in a relationship to be, we can end up feeling burned. If we continue to provide with no reciprocation, this paves the road to resentment. The hurt, anguish, confusion, anger, sadness, and feelings of being alienated take hold of our thoughts to the point that we debate whether or not the relationship, whether it be platonic or romantic/sexual, was really worth the effort to begin with. Not only do we debate the past, but we also debate the future. “How can I allow this to continue when it feels that there is no room for me?” This is a difficult position to be in; however, you may take solace in the fact that you are not alone with regard to how you feel. Many people have contended with the same predicament. In fact, this is a widespread phenomenon. Often what underlies the resentment is loneliness. The feeling of loneliness emerges when we feel unheard and does not necessarily correspond to being physically isolated. One could surround themselves in a room full of family and friends and find themselves wrestling with the thoughts and feelings associated with being lonely. So what is the solution or the cure to loneliness?

First, I recommend that you try to find comfort in that feeling. Yes, you are lonely; however, many other people are lonely. If you and other people are feeling the exact same way, are you really alone? Finding some level of comfort in the feeling can assist in the removal of negative thoughts associated with loneliness. It allows us to prepare in taking a position of responsibility for the way in which we feel as opposed to how we perceive someone else made us feel. Second, you must advocate for yourself. Perhaps the loneliness; or feeling unheard is actually because we expect someone to know us without having communicated something integral in regards to ourselves. Loneliness is a feeling that speaks to the core of our being. It lets us know that perhaps we are not yet aware of how we need to feel connected. The recognition of being unaware is foundational to bringing awareness. Only when we admit what we do not know can we proceed towards discovery. Once we have the awareness of disconnect, we must then ask: what is it that will help me to reconnect? The answer varies for everyone, and perhaps some solutions are more easily discovered than others. When the answer has been found, you must then allow yourself to be courageous in communicating this discovered aspect of yourself. The relationship then has the potential to return to a state of equilibrium. You are still able to give, in the capacity that feels comfortable for you, and are also now able to take, as you have communicated your needs in terms of how you feel you can be heard. Attempting to feel heard can be laborious, but the results are immeasurably rewarding.

Should you need assistance in your relationships or discovering how to communicate your need of being heard please feel free to explore AdamGWalterbach.com or contact me for a phone consultation at 720-551-5863.