The Power And Influence Of Family

Family is the source of all interactions that we have in society. It is a reflection of the culture which you inhabit or which you seek. 

Often when one sees their family of origin as fragmented, broken, dysfunctional, secure, privileged, or wholesome, this is internalized and projected externally. For example, it is likely that if you experienced some type of abuse (whether that be acts of omission or commission) in your childhood from a member of your family, you could come to believe that social systems are abusive as well. 

Working in the opposite circumstances, let's say you come from a family where you feel you were well nurtured and cared for by your parents or primary caregivers. You will likely go into the world feeling accomplished and secure in your abilities; you likely benefit from social institutions. 

There are pros and cons to each viewpoint. For those of you who may have been born under less fortunate circumstances, you may feel unjustly treated (perhaps rightfully so); therefore, it causes you to observe unfairness in others' affairs. 

While privilege generally does not care about equal distribution (whether there be social or genetic advantages), solely focusing on the differences of yours vs. others' positions can bring about a disgraceful preoccupation of social comparison. This preoccupation can be a significant time waster. Rather than letting envy rule your demeanor, it is crucial to focus more of your energy on what you would like to instill in yourself that you may not have gotten from your primary caregivers. 

It is also helpful to find mentors who can help develop your character and personality areas that you desire to have more finely tuned. 

It is only through adversity that you can build resiliency. Be careful, though; adversity can often lead you to feel like you're being persecuted.

These suggestions do not mean foregoing speaking up against injustices when you see them; however, you ought to be certain that those injustices hold validity. Regardless of power, many bad actors in the world will attempt to convince you that the positions they hold result from victimization, lack of privilege, or unfair chances. 

Psychological defenses are not valid excuses to forego responsibility, though this does not prevent people from believing that they are a viable route. The more you believe the world is out to get you, the more you will likely subconsciously create scenarios where this bias is confirmed. 

The more you believe that the world is full of resources to support your purpose or cause, the more you will likely subconsciously create scenarios where this bias is confirmed. It goes both ways.

On the other hand, there are those of you who are securely attached to your parents or primary caregivers. You were told that you were loved, were provided protection, and enjoyed a breadth of liberties and tools to be utilized as you please. You probably have experienced fewer adverse experiences throughout your lifetime (stating this is not to diminish one's suffering, only to provide a contextual substantiation). 

Recognizing this is beneficial. It promotes gratitude for your advantages. It also allows you to have compassion for those who may not be in a similar position. 

At the same time, facing challenges could be incredibly difficult. Perhaps your parents employed "lawnmower"-style (plowing the way for your success) or "helicopter"-style (monitoring your every move) techniques to child-rearing. Often in these cases making a minuscule mistake can feel file a full-blown catastrophe as you have not had any experience of doing so ("lawnmower" parenting). Alternatively, you did make a mistake and were immediately coddled after the fact ("helicopter" parenting). 

Psychological defenses may come into play. Before you know it, you blame others for your mistakes, resulting in learning at a far slower pace than what you could find beneficial.

There are instances where even though you have loving parents, you refuse to see them as humans, people who have flaws, and instead, you view them in divine stature. This is the biggest mistake you are making in your growth and development. 

Seeing your parents, those who gave you so much and who you are eternally grateful for, in a flawed manner, does not eradicate their good deeds or the values that they have instilled in you. Seeing them as faulty allows you to have greater compassion for yourself and others. In addition, it reminds you that, just like everyone else, you have room to grow.

Regardless of origin, it would be best if you persevered in the cultivation of the self. Despite whatever software or hardware you get from family, it is essential to acknowledge that your connections and relations depend entirely on your conduct. If there is no congruence between your words and your actions, it is necessary to dig deep to see where the core of this hypocrisy lies. 

Mastering one's household is often translatable to mastery in one's community. The internal will always reflect the external. This is the power and influence of the family.